LAST DAY IN VIETNAM...

Well, the time has arrived to call an end to the journey. Today, we brought it to a close by going to the war museum. I knew this was going to present the ugliness of war from the Vietnamese perspective, however I did not expect to be impacted like I was. Of course, the presentation is pretty one sided, but the one side is rather accurate. The photographs were most disturbing. It is bad enough seeing what we as Americans were put through, but the things, the horror we delivered to the Vietnamese people is nothing short of criminal. I know only too well, that war is ugly, but without a doubt, our conduct and activities were beyond comprehension in some respects. Once again, I did not handle it well as I got noticeably upset. A Vietnamese man came up to me and was most kind and concerned about me. Told me it is in the past and let it go, that the Vietnamese have opened their hearts to us and all has been forgiven and that they only want to look to the future. Not only in the photos of the museum, but on the streets, the deformed people from our agent orange is enough to make you throw up. Then a reporter came up to Lieu and I as I was reading the last paragraph to "The Bunker and the Cracker Jack Kids" and put his mic to pick up what I was saying. Then the government police came over and wanted him to stop and took the nice man a way for a short time. We were being watched pretty closely as we moved through the museum. One guard came up to Lieu and asked her if she had permission to talk to the tourists (me) and she said that she was with me, so OK, but we were continually watched. Be thankful you live in the USA. The two hours in that museum took its toll on me and I was glad when we left and yet I am glad I saw it. WAR SUCKS!!!
We will leave for the airport at 3:45 in the morning and be home about 24 hours later. I am ready.

The Efforts of Lieu....

Lieu, our interpreter, went on a mission after we left Can Tho today, heading back to Ho Chi Minh City. She did not want to accept that we did not find Muoi, you might say she has gotten caught up in this story rather heavily. She went back to Tao's house in the alley to get a critical piece of information that she needed to follow up on a lead that Muoi, in fact is still alive in Ho Chi Minh City living with a relative. However, we do not have the address. Part of the information we need to get the address is known by Tao's landlord. When Lieu spoke to her to get the information, she wanted a $100 for it. With that piece of information, she would then travel two hours to a Vietnamese jail where a woman who is locked up has the other piece of information needed to locate the residence that Muoi is in. Sound confusing, yes it is and the sad part of it is the landlord holding out for the money. Under those conditions, I told Lieu to let it be, that this is the end of it. I will not pay for information that I have no way of knowing is accurate. It is sad that people stoop to such a level for the almighty dollar. And in contrast, we have Lieu, that out of the kindness of her heart and wanting to help makes such a valant effort....the contrast is stark. The whole thing is a long shot based on some heresay... Gary and I smell a rat. So, for now we will ignore this side twist as it probably is a scam and neither one of us are interested in dealing with it. Lieu is disappointed, as she tried so hard to see this come out good for me. I have thanked her, she did a marvelous job for me. I could have left this out, but if I am going to tell the story, then tell it, the good and the bad. So, after a round of excitement, thinking we were on the move again, we are back at the conclusion that Muoi has died. All over this globe, there are good and bad people, the trick is knowing who is who.
Tomorrow, Gary and I are going to Cu Chi to see the famous tunnel complex built by the Vietnamese.

A NEW DISCOVERY...

Today was a tough one. The three of us, Gary, Lieu and I returned to the alley this morning with two beautiful bouquets of six roses each, one red and one pink to fulfill a request by Tif. Her older brother was killed in Vietnam about a month before we met in San Francisco. To honor her wish, I left one bouquet at the house of Tao, the woman who helped us so much yesterday and asked her to display them at her front door to honor Michael and the other to honor Muoi. She was pleased to do so. Silence was spoken. While we were there, I was told some new information that I wish I had not heard. My little girl, My Han had been killed by her husband. Needless to say, this did nothing for my day. I can not explain the feelings I went through...you do not want to experience what I did. Right now, I don't know what to say, as it is beyond words.
Tomorrow morning, Gary and I will drive back to Ho Chi Minh City to wrap up our trip. We both agreed we are going to see the famous tunnels at Cu Chi and maybe a museum. Then we will start the trek home. This has been a needed experience and I have no regrets that I made the trip. I thought I was at peace with all of this before I came, but walking that alley, the smells, the people, it all hit me with an emotional overload the likes of which I could not have imagined. Now, so much is clear and I can say, peace is with me. I have learned some valuable lessons and experienced, once again, the beauty of the Vietnamese people. Lieu has been an incredible interpreter as Gary and I have made a new friend. Now my focus is on home and the life in front of me. I am anxious to be back at yoga with my friends. I will continue to post until we start flying. Love to you all.

MY CLOSURE...

Good morning or should I say "good middle of the night". It is 3AM here and I am feeling much better. So, here is the rundown on yesterday's events. At 9AM our interpreter showed up. Her name is Lieu and she is a 21 year old student from the University here. She drove 50 miles on her sisters motorbike to get here. Gary and I explained to her what it is we want her to do for us, help us find Muoi and the family if that is possible. We started at the Ben xe Muoi parking lot and started walking down the alley that we called "bar alley". The alley and adjoining walkways were the same, but there are more houses packed in there now than there used to be. Lieu took the folder of photos I had of Muoi and the kids and started knocking on doors, looking for elders that would have been alive at that time. At first we were striking out... no one seemed to know her, some said she looked familiar. Then a monsoon rolled in and we took cover in a house/cafe on the alley. It used to be a bar when I was a soldier there. We bought some bottled water and sat down to wait out the downpour. Of course we started showing them the pictures and the chatter started. This drew the attention of the neighbors and people near by, who all started to gather around. Lieu told us everyone had ideas, but no one could say for sure. Then one took the photos and left to show to some other neighbors. At this point, we had quite a few people involved in our quest. While we were waiting, two little girls who were so very intrigued with my shaking hand as I held a bottle of water, one reached out and covered my hand with hers, trying to stop the shaking. It would stop, she would let go and then of course, it would start again. She would hold it again, to stop the shaking.... this went on the whole time we were there. When the monsoon ended and we got up to leave, one of the people said there was an elder neighbor down the alley that might know, so we left in pursuit of this person. The little girl that was holding my hand came with us, still tending to my hand. As we stood just inside the door, Lieu was inquiring for us, the little girl was petting my hand. Lieu turned to me and said, "She said there was a woman named Muoi who had six kids, she had died." I fell apart. Gary hugged me as the compassionate man he is. After compossing myself, we left, however, Lieu was not satisfied. We stopped at another house, which used to be a bar and asked again, hoping it was not my Muoi, but it sounded rather hopeless. A woman our age invited us in to her home after Lieu explained our purpose. She looked at the pictures and was talking alot in Vietnamese and then I heard her say Tokyo Bar, which was one of the bars, most likely the one we were in. I used to go into the Tokyo Bar. Then she started talking to me in English and rather good English at that. She was one of the bar girls that used to flirt with the GIs. She said she recognized Muoi in the picture, did not know her personnelly, but would see her walking the alley. She had heard that she was the woman that someone bought her house for her and I told her that was me. She then said she had not seen her for about three years, didn't know if she moved or died. She told me that I am a very good man to come back to see her, that no one came back to see her and that Muoi would be very happy to know that I did come back. She told me, if I ever come back to Vietnam, I can come and see her. We laughed, she gave me a hug, told me "you are good man" and wished me well. As we left, walking back up the alley, Lieu took my hand and walked with me, as I was a wreck. When we got to the corner and I turned to speak to her, she was full of tears...we all had a good cry. When we got back to the hotel, Gary, bless his loving heart, shared his thoughts with me. He is a man with a knowledge and understanding of the human element that is a gift of God. He has been my savior...none of you have any idea what he has meant to me on this journey. We now have a bond that is like nothing I have ever known. Dear God, I am so blessed. He showed me the way to my closier...I love him. He pointed out to me, that obviously, she had lived there in the house that I had bought for her for the rest of her life. "Thom, that one act of love on your part, had cared for her for the rest of her life. You have to assume that she had a good life, just knowing that she lived out her life there." Like I said, Gary is someone very special in his understanding of people and life, I can never thank him enough. As for the kids, no one has a clue where they are and that is OK. Knowing that Muoi lived out her life in our house brings me peace and with that I can move on. Lieu, our interpreter is coming by this morning to have breakfast with us. She, too, is all caught up in this and wants to say goodbye before we leave. You can't imagine the emotional power that has been unleashed, as now I am still releasing.
Let me thank all of you for your support through this, as you have changed my life for the better. Lyndee, Trish and Marion, it all started with you, encouraging me to write my story. Rusty, your kindness and generosity in getting me here, you are an angel. Without Gary, I could not have managed all this. We are bonded, he has touched my soul, my brother. And to all the rest of you, who have offered your support and caring, I thank you all, I love you all.
Now, to close. Kibbey, my beautiful wife, who has endured so much with me as I worked through this. I know this could not be easy for her and yet she has been there in her own way. Honey, thank you for the love and support. You are the love of my life. I have brought this final chapter in my life to a close and look only to the future with you, not to the past. May God bless us all.

HEAVY EMOTIONS...

I would like to write and tell you all that has happened today, but I can't right now. Today was very emotional and exhausting. It is difficult to just get this note out. I will tell more when I recover a little...typing is a struggle right now. I am OK, so don't worry. Please be patient with me, more will come shortly. Loving you all...
Thom
PS: Happy Mothers Day, Mom.... Love you.
Kibbey, I miss you, love you.

Hello, Friends... Gary and I made it to Can Tho today, five hour drive including a ferry ride across the Mekong River. The ride was the most insane thing I have ever experienced. I have it on film and when you see it, you won't believe it. Our driver said there are four million motor bikes in Vietnam and I think he is underestimating. Ten million might be closer. I swear, I can't believe we did not see someone get killed today. Well, you will see the video and then you will understand. More about our driver. He is 30 years old, very polite and nice, born in Hanoi and moved south to work. His father is 60 and fought in the war for the North or Harnoi, he was an NVA. Truly a pleasure meeting and talking with this young man.
The Can Tho of today is one high rocking and rolling place. Kibbey, you are right, forty years is a long time and things have changed alot. Google earth is using pics that must be 10 to 20 years old. At 7pm tonight, Gary and I walked to my old neighborhood looking for the house. I did find the parking lot and "bar alley", however, where my house is supposed to be is a 3 or 4 story building. The area around my house has all filled in and I can see no remnants of my house at all. And it definately does not look like the pic from Google Earth. Tomorrow morning, we will meet with a lady who speaks good english and then go back to the neighborhood and start asking around and showing pics to see if we can find anyone who can tell us anything about them. We will be searching out the elders of the neighborhood. The young people wouldn't have a clue.
The hotel here in Can Tho is BEAUTIFUL, beyond anything I could have imagined. Truly beautiful and the food is out of this world...met the chef...fine dining. Every one we meet are so very nice and curteous...I am impressed with them as much or more than I was forty years ago. They are a kind and friendly people. So, the plan is tomorrow, we will walk the neighborhood and see what we can find. If it all strikes out, then it is what it is, but I must say, just getting this far has been really good for me. Even if I find nothing about them, it still will be closier and I am thankful for that. Well tomorrow is a big day, so I need to end this and get to bed.
Kibbey, I LOVE YOU.... more to come later. Love you all.

Thom

Just a quickie...

I just got back from dinner. Gary and I had a delightful time on the 12th floor (top of the hotel) restaurant sitting out on the veranda, enjoying the view and the good food. We had the wonderful opportunity to converse with a lady who speaks rather good English. Gary and I are going to get a good night sleep and at 8:30 in the morning, we will head out for Can Tho. Tomorrow will be the real start of our purpose here. We will have an interpreter when we get to Can Tho, so that will allow us to be more effective in our quest. Thus far, it has been a wonderful experience. I can't say enough how wonderful Gary is as a partner on such a trip.... I would be really struggling with all of this if it were not for Gary. Wow, does he ever make a difference. Truly a beautiful friend. Take care and will post again tomorrow after we are in Can Tho. Love ya all.....
Thom

We have arrived...

Greetings, my friends. Well we finally made it. 24 hours of flying or being at an airport. What a challenge. From Portland to Hong Kong, we never made it to business class. We traveled economy the long haul, but fortunately, they set the two of us in an isle of four seats, so we could spread out and have room for all our stuff, really wasn't too bad. However in the last four or five hours, I went to the back and laid down on the floor, where there was just enough room to be out of the isle. I thought they might roust me, however, a stewardess showed up with a blanket, got me up and laid the blanket on the floor, making a bed for me. It was so sweet. The last two and a half hours from Hong Kong to Saigon or Ho Chi Minh City, I got to fly first class. Thank you Rusty, I have never flown first-class and it was sweet. However, Gary was wearing tennis shoes and they wouldn't let him in first class. Anyway, we made it safe and sane. Rusty, the pilot flying us to Hong Kong, I believe his name was Miles, came back and talked with us and told us if we needed anything, to let him know. He said he already tried to get us into business class, but couldn't pull it off. It was very nice of you to call ahead and have Miles and Venesa, the head percer check on us. And yoga girls, Miles was the only male in the cockpit. The other three flying the 747 were three ladies...gotta be my kind of airplane. ;>)...Your the best, Rusty.
The ride from the airport to the Grand Hotel was the biggest excitement. I did see two traffic lights on the way and a short piece of road with a double yellow line, however, nobody pays any attention to any of it. If traffic stops, they just go against the on comming traffic and find a slot to squeeze through. I swear, I thought we were going to kill some of the hundreds of motor scooters, who are worse than the cars. No way on this earth would I drive over here, I wouldn't make it two blocks. Seriously, I really believe they have no traffic laws. What a ride!!!
The hotel here is very nice, especially when you look at the surroundings. People are very kind and friendly, which doesn't surprise me. Today we are spending it here in Saigon to settle in and make are next plan. After breakfast, which was excellent, Gary is off on his own photographing the streets and people...he likes to do this by himself, which works out great, because that gives me time to do this, write to all of you and simply get some needed rest before we head out for Can Tho in the morning. There is no flight to Can Tho, so at 9:30 in the morning we will be driven to Can Tho in an air conditioned car, just Gary and I and the driver. They tell us it will take about four hours, but it should be really interesting as I have never driven the route. I used to watch convoys leave our airbase making that run to Saigon, however, it was not so comfortable under those conditions...bang, bang, boom!!!
For those of you, like my mother and my wife, who may be worried about how the travel and Parkinson's is getting along....so far, so good. I am having no problems at all, at least no more than I would at home. I will attempt to get some photos posted a little later, right now I need a break and want to get this sent off. So, to all my wonderful and beautiful friends, I love you all and am thinking of you. I probably won't get the chance to post again until we get to the hotel in Can Tho tomorrow afternoon. Just know, all is well and good..... already emotional, but that is good. If you have the time to comment, it would be welcomed here. If it is easier for you to email me, that works too. tgrock@comcast.net
Till then, love ya,

Thom

The RETURN...

Hello, my friends....
I must say, when I stood in the gym at Oxford among my new friends, the "Yoga Ladies", Lyndee and I discussing the story writing of our Vietnam experiences, never in a million years would I have guessed that it all would lead up to this, returning to Vietnam. From the start, the insistance and support from these ladies started me to write. Oh my, the flood gates opened and a book was born....a book that is not the work of a literary genius, but instead "my story told". I feel my book, "Silk Pajamas & Tombstone Eyes" has been well received among those who have read it. Now, it seems the energy around it has taken on a life of it's own. People are coming into my life with cause and effect that blows me away. Rusty, a new aquatance and friend enters the scene. In a matter of minutes I am exposed to his kindness, compassion and simply put, a loving soul...he offers me free airfair (standby) for two, round trip to Vietnam. Now I am faced with the unimaginable, returning to Vietnam. Two days later, I was at my dentist, Gary Gilbert, sharing with him my new and exciting development. As many questions were asked, I discover Gary is interested in going with me...he is a man of adventure, a bit of a risk taker and another loving soul. It has been decided that he will go with me and be my companion, photographer, documentarian and the truth of it all, my good friend who is looking out for me. I have never been so humbled in my life....the show of kindness and generosity leaves me overwhelmed.... Friends....friends....friends.....
I truly am blessed. So, the time is upon us, as we leave PDX Wednesday morning at 7:30 on United Airlines. Here is a short summary of what we think will be our approach. Once we have arrived in Can Tho and are settled into the hotel, we will secure a translater to travel with us. We will have camcorders and film the whole journey. We will walk to the neighborhood where we lived during the war. I will walk up to the house I bought for Muoi forty years ago, knock on the door and see who answers...could be Muoi, could be one of the kids who are now in their forties and fifties, or no one I know answers. If they are not there, then we will walk the neighborhood, talking to the residence showing pics to hopefully find someone who remembers them and knows where they went or what happened to them. As you can see, this is like walking into a dark closet and not knowing what you will encounter. Of course, why not.... it is time to go out on the edge, don't want to take up to much space. It is obvious to me, this is meant to be, I have to follow through on this as it does have a life of it's own. Come on, Gary... let's go find the edge.

I will attempt entries every day to keep you updated.

Yes, I am still alive... been gone so long, I was beginning to wonder. I have now been through the cancer surgery, recovery time and am good to go. Tested out 0 cancer. Yes, I am a happy boy.
Since I have been gone, I have published my book "Silk Pajamas & Tombstone Eyes". Sunday I had my first book signing and reading at a local coffee house. I am overjoyed with the results. Let us just say I sold every book I had and took orders. The feedback I have been getting from those who have read it is very encouraging.
I must say, I have been busy getting this finished and on the market. I'm sure you can understand, the first time you do something, you won't be the quickest. You can find my book on Amazon.com and via a link at my website will work also.
I have started writing another book and I am finding myself a bit excited about it. We are going to leave it a secret for now, as I have not selected a name for it, but I am working on it. Thank you one and all.